Welcome to my blog!
I have a lot to say. A LOT!
I’m a woman in my mid-fifties. Twice divorced, no kids. Single by design. Fat. Diabetic. But none of that matters, because I’ve turned my whole life around over the last year and everything is changing, for the better of course. Some might even say, for the fabulous!
I’d been hiding for the last decade. By day I was destroying my heart and soul, and my health, in a fast-paced, very responsible corporate job. Then I’d go home and lose myself in fiction, YouTube, or games. I had no social life. I was too tired to do anything and I felt depleted, like I had nothing to offer. I certainly didn’t want to let anything or anyone in. I even stopped listening to music, which used to be one of my great pleasures in life. I have no musical abilities myself, but I love and appreciate the talent and genius of others.
By mid-2022 I was on the brink of a complete breakdown. Seriously, I thought I was going to die. I had a panic attack at work one day and it terrified me. My bosses assured me that I was still doing a great job, but I knew that I had to get out and crash in peace. I credit my wonderful therapist, who I had started seeing in late 2019 around the time I turned 50, for getting me to the point where I felt worthy enough to save myself.
Needless to say, this was not an easy decision. I had a good salary and benefits. Our industry (hospitality – I was on the financial side) was hit hard with Covid-19 and the aftermath, and recovery was slow, so it seemed risky to assume I would get another job once I’d recovered. I cashed in a portion of my pension and locked myself away. I told people that I was in a deep hole, and my first priority was getting out of the hole (recovering my health – both physical and mental). Once out of the hole, I could choose a direction and work towards something new. I had no idea what something new would entail, but I simply didn’t have the bandwidth to worry about it.
I got better. Slowly in the beginning. I was suffering from a host of maladies, which included long-Covid, depression, severe burnout, insomnia, Type 2 diabetes, IBS, and recurring UTI’s. However, within a few weeks of leaving work, some of my aches and pains started disappearing. I could move easier. I started eating better (previously I had lived on convenience foods). I reconnected with music, exploring genres I had never listened to before.
In February 2023 I reconnected with an old friend who lives in the village of Hopefield on the West Coast. I visited her, and she persuaded me that I needed to move to Hopefield and start my own bookkeeping business.
We had no idea where I was going to live, but this just felt so right (fated, congruous) that I started getting organised for moving. And as is often the case in small towns, within weeks I found a place via word of mouth. Not just a place – the absolute perfect place for me, with kind and caring landlords who live on the property, dogs and cats and plenty of room to breathe. Two months after that first visit I moved in. And that was when the fun started!
This blog is about my new, vastly different life. Most days I don’t even remember my former life, something I’m profoundly grateful for. This has been like a rebirth.
This blog is going to be a real cornucopia of feelings, ideas, likes, dislikes, opinions, accomplishments and failures, triumphs and defeats, good intentions, abandoned endeavours, messy emotions, truths, musings, reflections, outbursts, embarrassing moments, and hopefully breakthroughs. It might not always be pretty or entertaining, but it will be honest.
Welcome! Make yourself comfortable, or strap yourself in.
PS:
- -The title of the blog is adapted from the song “Dead Boy’s Poem” by one of my favourite bands, Nightwish. The actual lyrics are “my love letter to nobody”
- -The tag line is from my favourite Nightwish song, “Song of Myself”