I read a lot. Always have. One of the best things that’s ever happened to me was the advent of e-books. Now, instead of hauling one or more hefty tomes with me wherever I go, I have a whole library on my phone! It’s truly a miracle.

I think it’s also a great thing for authors. Instead of going through the painful process, after already doing all the work of writing an actual book, of trying and often failing, to get it published, authors can now self-publish. This is generally a good thing. We are not at the mercy of publishing houses to determine what we should be reading. Sure, there is a lot of fluff and nonsense being self-published, but Goodreads and Amazon have review and rating systems for a reason, and you can make reasonably informed decisions. And sometimes we really want to read fluff and nonsense. Your smut may be my guilty pleasure. Blue barbarian aliens on an ice planet, anyone?

One of the downsides of self-publishing is that some of the more rigorous editorial processes manuscripts undergo at a publishing house fall by the wayside. Authors use alpha and beta readers, and I’m sure they contract with independent editors. It’s just not as effective, and mistakes that should be picked up and corrected before publishing go unnoticed.

Confession time: I am a bit of a stickler for spelling and grammar. This doesn’t mean that I don’t make mistakes on my blog. I do and I will. I will correct them if I catch them before hitting publish, but I don’t have alpha and beta readers, or an editor for that matter, so sometimes something might slip through. Apologies. Also, I may use too many commas. More apologies.

It’s not that words are incorrectly spelled. Oh no, someone clearly employed a spell-checker! It’s just that the wrong word was used. This would generally be a word that sounds like the correct word, but is spelled differently and has a completely different meaning. Too many of these can take me right out of the story. When the MC admires the FC’s style, the correct word to use is not flare, which we all know is a burst of light or a widening of something, but flair. In the first paragraph of this post, I refer to books as tomes. If I’d used the word tombs this would be a very different post!

Another, unfortunately far-too-common, error is the wrong word being used. Now, I know that colloquialisms exist – the expressions and words we use in South Africa are not necessarily the same as those used in the American South, or the English countryside . For example the word ornery means irritable, angry, cantankerous, surly, disagreeable, etc. I often see it used to mean sassy or mischievous in American books. In fact, it’s become so common that I now just assume it’s part of the vernacular. The instances I’m talking about feel like the author was trying to be fancy and used words they didn’t know the correct meaning of.

Here’s an example of that: this particular couple had been flirting via text in the days leading up to their first date. One of them refers to this as canoodling. Just no. Canoodling is kissing and cuddling, in any and all forms of the English language. Canoodling does not mean flirting! Some of these examples can be hilarious, so I will be sure to share them with you.

Then there is the poor, abused and misunderstood apostrophe. Seriously, I can’t tell you how often I come across characters going to their parent’s house when there are two parents living in the house.

I’m not very good with descriptions. In fact, I tend to skim over them. But I do subconsciously keep track of things; I’m all about what characters do and say. Sometimes, the author forgets that the character is holding or carrying something, and then they do something that would require both hands. Or, in one scene they’re wearing one thing, and in the next another (obviously there was no wardrobe change in between). Talking about wardrobe issues – how do these people get their pants off in a hurry while still wearing shoes and socks? You get a detailed and titillating description of the removal of each item of clothing, usually accompanied by flying buttons and heavy breathing. No mention of shoes and socks though. This is when they stumble in from outside, so they were definitely wearing them. Occasionally the guy will growl at the woman to keep her high heels on, but dude, I don’t care how many muscles your muscles have, you’re not doing me in shoes and socks!

Some authors also lose track of time in the story. Surely the other day is not yesterday? I assume these problems arise when parts are rewritten, but it should be corrected during the editing process.

Having said all that though, I am grateful for the easy access to my favourite form of entertainment. I just wish I could do some editing for these authors! If this accounting gig doesn’t work out…

In the meantime, I will point out some of the more egregious transgressions. All in good fun – I will not be naming and shaming. And if you ever want to let an author know about an error, please don’t use the rating and review system. Rate the book on its merits and rather contact the author privately – they really appreciate it. Most authors care about their products and their readers, and will gladly fix errors.

Also keep an eye out for my series about things that only happen in books. I have a lot to say!